10 Reasons Summer in Texas is Like Winter in Maine

1.)The weather is so inhospitable to human life that no one goes outside for weeks at a time........streets are empty of cars, yards deserted of kids, dogs

2.)Tans accrued early in the season are faded away midway through, and everyone is pasty white toward the seasons' end

3.)People especially prepare their homes, yards, cars, etc, just for this season : weather stripping, solar panels, patio covers, awnings, mulch flower beds, double-hung windows, ceiling fans, window units, soaker hoses for foundation protection, car covers, thermal curtains, plant trees on the west side of your house for shade , install mister machines on your patio, build carports, add extra insulation in the attic, undergo energy audits to see where you are leaking a/c, etc -----all to keep the heat out and cool air in

4.)You must purchase and maintain a special wardrobe/health items just for this season : all cotton (synthetics are to be avoided at all cost), underwear , pajamas (or sleep nude), cotton or linen shorts/shirts, hats, baseball caps, fanny packs with water bottle holsters, sunscreen, sunscreen w/bug spray, aloe vera lotion, a wardrobe of different types of sandals/sunglasses for different occasions (dressy, casual, sporting, etc.)

5.)Everyone watches the weather reports constantly to see the latest weather alert, which warns you to stay inside (heat warning days, ozone action days), and to see the latest weather records being set/broken...........how many days w/out rain, today's highs, no. of days over 100, etc.

6.)Now is a good time to clean those closets or start sewing Christmas craft items , clean your guns or catch up on your reading/scrap-booking/sock darning..........people esp like pouring over catalogs, dreaming about what they will do next season, when the weather cools off

7.)Children go stir crazy and need special indoor toys/activity to amuse them - games, videos, tv, etc-and trips to air conditioned indoor playgrounds where they can burn energy-the mall, Chuck E Cheese, McD's play land, rollerskating, bowling

8.)You put off that trip to the grocery store or mall until there isn't a single item left in the house to wipe your butt with, all b/c it's just not worth it to crank up the car and head out into the weather

9.)When you do venture out, you have to go through a special 10 minute ritual involving getting your car started------this involves setting the a/c on high and cracking the windows till all the hot air blows out, and sometimes using a rag or towel to touch the steering wheel or seat belts so they don't burn your fingers..........this , of course, after you were esp careful to park your car in the shade in the first place (not to mention, no one owns black/dark cars -only transplanted Yankees) .You drive an extra 15 minutes, circling the mall till you find that one spot with a little bit of shade from some scraggly pitiful 5 foot tall stick of a "tree".

10.) You look desperately forward to the next season, getting a kind of special summer
S.A. D., feeling depressed staring at the walls of your home , longing for the time when the cooling air/weakening sun/shorter days brings with it some sign of life and hope that life will go on......as the days drag into September, and the car seat still burns your bottom when you get in, you ask yourself, "when will it EVER be fall ?"........and the opposite season, winter, is actually fun and pleasant and you go outside and play sports a lot in the pleasant sunshine.

P.S. To all my friends who are not from Texas....it really doesn't look like the photo at the top. That's a joke ! And another whole story.......as a co-worker in NYC once said to hubby # 1, "if Texas is next to California, like Arizona, how come it isn't a desert?"

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