5/10/2013

Old Hipster, Indie Hipster

My super cool, artsy gay friend who lives in NYC (and sometimes France) just visited me here in my little town in the hinterlands. A journalist/writer, he had some work to do, locally, and arranged his schedule to accommodate his work needs as well as a visit to me and the fam. We've been close friends since middle school, back when he was a smart nerdy boy who wore khaki pants, had pink cheeks, a too-short haircut, and talked incessantly about fantasy characters, dolls, opera stars, and Star Trek. I was a nerdy little girl with bushy hair, braces, and knock-knees who wore uncool child-like dresses  and had a crush on him. We both loved writing stories, museums, music and art, ethnic cuisine, theater, literature. Over the years, our relationship has ping-ponged back and forth : sometimes he was the cooler one , attractive and hip; sometimes I was. Lately we're both navigating middle age and the ensuing changes in one's youthful attractiveness and sartorial expression.

It's true that my friend is winning the coolness wars at the moment, at least. Never try to compete with the attractiveness of a gay man. He is slim, handsome, and current on the all the NYC and Euro male fashion trends. (Hubster is not doing so badly himself, for a suburban dad; he works out twice a day and is extremely buff. Local housewives have commented on noticing his physique when he mows the lawn with his shirt off.) But it was also true from this latest visit that my uber kewl gay friend thinks I have morphed into his mom. you know, bc I have a 9-5 job ( I can't go clubbing all night), I have boring bills to pay like a mortgage (can't blow my cash on clothes, cars, travel, attending the arts, etc), spend all my free time driving kids around or attending their sporting events (no time for the gym). It's such a drag, this hetero-normative suburban reproductive-centered life.

How cruel the world is to women as they age! There is that moment in one's 40's when a women's aging suddenly accelerates, while men hold steady and even look better. Less raw, more finished than they did in their 20's. When men get gray hair, it's "distinguished", when women do, they are "crones". This is the time for the mid-life crisis, when many a shallow selfish man casts off the mate who aged due to bearing him children and making him a home. I remember learning in a "History of Women" class back in college, that this problem was solved, historically, by the frequent and common death of one spouse or the other. No worries of "the seven year itch" when wives were statistically like to die in childbirth, and men in battle or farm accidents. Hence the Wife of Bath and her six husbands......


I'm trying, though, to be my own version of "cool". It is definitely not the aging gay man's version of "cool", but its the best I can do. Stay tuned......

3/29/2013

Spring Break in Italy







Part of my recent mid-life crisis was to sit myself down and figure out how to live my life more intentionally. By that I mean, figure out what it is that I really want - NOW!! and find a way to do it , get it, be it. I'm not advocating being selfish- I'm coming out of that 20 year long tunnel known as "mommy-dom" wherein I totally gave up every personal desire and need, including sleep, adult food, and clean fashionable clothing, all subverted for the common good known as "parenting children". Like many folk at mid-life, I am trying to figure out the next chapter. I can't really handle the sports, archaeology and other physically taxing hobbies of my youth. I can still paint but for some reason am having trouble getting back into it.




 
I subscribe to a wide variety of blogs, some of which focus on clearing out the clutter- of one's house, one's mind, one's life. The goal is to focus and enjoy - not to live a Spartan existence, but to be deliberate in one's choices. These blogs inspire me to figure out what is important, and to not waste time on the unimportant.  Life really came into perspective for me with the death of my parents recently, who both passed away before 80. If I follow the trend, I have fewer than 30 years left.....maybe only 20-25 good ones. Think how fast the previous 20 years just whizzed by; I'm not being morbid, just wanted to live what I've got left to the fullest. I write a lot about bucket list ideas here in my blog, but that's because as a mom, I feel I've lost myself somewhere.....and on auto-pilot in my life. I was still driving the 9 mpg minivan long after the kids had their own cars. Why?  I had loved poodles all my life but hadn't owned one since a child. Why? I love to travel but hadn't taken advantage of the fact that I have a captive audience of willing, eager students and those educational tour companies exist that send the teacher for free once 6 students have paid. Why have I not put a trip together years ago? My favorite color is blue, but I was living in a home decorated in red and rust, and it was dark and depressing. Why?

I believe that we are who we chose to be. Nobody is going to come and save you. You've got to save yourself. Nobody is going to give you anything. You've got to go out and fight for it. Nobody knows what you want except you, and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don't get it. So don't give up on your dreams.

OK, so this is a somewhat overly dramatic inspirational quote I got from pinterest. It's aggressive tone probably says more about me than I care to admit.....But who cares? It speaks to me, and I keep a copy of it by my computer and look at it and think about it, every day. Why wait till retirement to live my life, buy a new car, take that trip I always wanted, redecorate the house (throw out the chewed on, dog-pee-stained furniture...never could figure out why old folk redecorated. Always thought when I was young, "Why bother? Your life is almost over." Now I know. It's bc you cherish the dream of being able to sit down on a sofa that is not crunchy with food stains.) Carpe Diem, as Robin Williams says in "The Dead Poets Society". I might die tomorrow. Nearly everyone knows someone who spent their entire lives waiting for retirement, only to die or develop a limiting health problem shortly after the official retirement date, and to have wasted their entire life , waiting to retire - to do the fun things. This is not a new theme; it's as old as time. PBS and corny old movies have a lock on this topic, with two aging stars experiencing love among the ruins. How cute.

I am serious, however, and was driven to action by my therapist who said to me, "What is it that you want?" So I sat down and made a list: 1) I wanted a new beach cruiser bicycle - a nice one . Had no money, so I thought and thought.....and remembered a ziplock sandwich bag of broken 14k and 18k jewelry I'd been saving, my whole life. Odd, mis-matched earrings, chains that were torn - stuff going back to my early teens, age 12 or 13. In spite of my many travels, I'd hung on to this collection of jumbled junk, and with gold currently fetching high prices, I took it in, sold it all, and had a really nice chunk 'o change. Bought the bike. Booked the trip.














2/24/2013

Thoughts on the Obesity Crisis from a Working Mom

 FYI: This is not real food

A recent NYT article spoke to the seriousness of the "obesity crisis" by showing the CEOs of all the major pre-prepared, packaged/snack food companies in America meeting to discuss the issue, and in a public show at least, demonstrate they are willing to work together to develop solutions.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/24/magazine/the-extraordinary-science-of-junk-food.html?pagewanted=1&ref=general&src=me

This conclave of food scientists is examining the issue from the perspective of re-engineering the foods they sell - originally designed to make people eat as much as possible, by enhancing fat to salt ratios, "mouth feel" and other aspects of snack foods - to manipulate eaters into eating enough (to buy the product and keep sales steady) but not so much as to make themselves sick. This is tackling the problem from the wrong direction.



The problem is multi-fold, and won't be solved until several key aspects of the way Americans now live are addressed. It is not as simple as telling people to eat less, exercise more, or mandating schools to stop selling junk food and replace soda with milk.

When I was a kid, my stay-at-home mom cooked from scratch- every day. We never ate out. My mom hated to cook and she cooked only a few dishes over and over- but everything that we ate was made from simple, identifiable ingredients. Chicken and beef, vegetables, bread, milk, eggs. My mom loved sweets and we always had a home made cake or pie for dessert. But we also were expected - in fact, forced, for my mother wanted a quiet peaceful home - to play outside. Two hours or more after school, every day. All day long during summers and weekends-sun up to sun down. We rode bikes, walked over to a friend's house and jumped on their trampoline or swam in their pool. We played "kick-the-can" with other kids in the neighborhood. Jumped rope, played hopscotch, roller skated. Even when my childhood friends and I were only 2-3 years old, we rode tricycles round and round the driveway.  There were no buses or moms driving us to school - we walked or rode our bikes.(I walked 2 blocks each way as a 6 year old, 4 blocks each way as a 12 year old, and 10 blocks each way as a 16 year old.) There were sidewalks everywhere and as a kid, you could safely get around town or play on them. In elementary school, we had two recesses with outdoor playground time a day , for 30 minutes each. (The teachers took turns supervising, and used this time as their conference/paper grading time.) We pushed ourselves on a merry-go-round, rode swings, climbed on monkey bars. In jr high and high school, P.E. was mandatory, and focused on learning different sports and leisure activities. You could choose to sign up for dancing ( aerobic, classical/jazz, country), tennis, softball, gymnastics, basketball, volleyball, golf, archery, etc. The school cafeterias of  my childhood sold actual food: Monday was spaghetti, Tuesday was tacos, Wednesday was chicken fried steak, Thursday was fried chicken, Friday was fish sticks. Every meal came with salad, 2 veggies, and unsugared ice tea. The cafeteria ladies wouldn't let you buy an ice cream unless you cleaned your plate. My high school also had a 20 minute break after first block, and sold breakfast . I'm not saying it was perfect- they also sold cigarettes in the vending machines, the breakfast break was also a smoker's break. It was the 60's, man.



Contrast this with how many Americans live today. Both parents work long work days out of financial necessity. Moms or dads come home late in the evening, tired and frazzled, and grab what they can to feed their families. Sometimes it is fast food from a drive-through, sometimes it is convenience food already prepared from the grocery store or restaurant. Always high in salt, sugar, fat, and preservatives- rarely fresh, simple ingredients. No veggies, nothing fresh. Middle class families often chauffeur their kids to activities after school- dance class, scouts, sports, etc - and grab something to eat on the go. In theory, this sounds like an even exchange ( in terms of calories in , calories out - the kids are in sports, right?) until you realize that this 45 minute activity once or twice a week is the only physical activity the child does at all, in their whole life. The schools my children attended have cut recess down to only once a day for elementary grades, and many days not even that. (All that mandated testing takes up time, and the school days are now longer as a result. ) Kids routinely ride the bus to and from school instead of walking bc mom and dad are working. Little children are placed in "after care" activities until a parent can get off work to pick them up, and they spend those 2 hours every day watching tv, doing crafts, or playing indoors. High school students are only required to take 1 year of P.E., and the P.E. classes at the school where I work consist of students being told to walk circles around the gym while the coach plays on his cellphone or laptop. You can walk by any time of the day and see half the students sitting down, talking, and the coach ignores them.  That's their P.E. exposure. The food sold at the cafeteria is the same meal, 5 days a week: pizza or chicken nuggets, mashed potatoes, french fries, and a roll. Everything is covered in "gravy". It is all carbs, grease, salt, and beige. The cafeteria ladies don't even cook it - it comes pre-assembled in boxes and they just heat it up. I am not sure how this meal meets RDA requirements, or why it is deemed better than a sandwich and a piece of fruit. (Sidebar: I tried to convince my school to build a community garden- make it a class, let AG run it - to add to the cafeteria meals. No go.) Laws intending to cut out candy and junk food sold at the school are easily circumvented- my school has a "school store" (closed when the inspector comes around) that is located away from the cafeteria, open before and after school, that sells soda, candy, chips and other crap . It is located right where the students come off the bus and enter the building, and every morning the line is long as students load up on the snacks they want to eat all day - often using up all their lunch money here. After eating sugar and salt all day, they will come to class all hyped up, or else cranky and hungry, and ask if I have anything for them to eat. I routinely keep peanut butter and crackers to feed them. Even the "home ec" class taught at my school - now renamed "food science" , spends 90% of its time having students doing book work on nutrition and only 10% or less teaching them how to cook and plan healthy meals.



In my community, many poor families go hungry. Interestingly, their daily meals are healthier than wealthier folks' bc they can't afford to buy junk food, so they eat staples : beans, rice, vegetables, with a little bit of meat. Junk food is a treat not a daily item. It is a common phenomenon in  my town to see tremendously overweight white people and normal weight Hispanics.

The solution to our obesity crisis ( for both kids and adults) is to conscientiously and drastically change many aspects of our lives and how we live them. I am not saying moms need to give up careers and be stay -at -home moms cooking from scratch and supervising kids playing in the back yard...I am a working mother myself, out of necessity, and I fall victim to all these same scenarios. I do know that if someone in my neighborhood offered simple, made-from scratch meals - even the wretched 1960's style casseroles my mother cooked- at a reasonable price, and all I had to do was drive through, pick it up, go home and stick it in the oven  and serve with a bag of salad- I would do it, and pay a pretty price, too. Sure there are purveyors of frozen lasagnas and the like, but these are high in salt and other things that are not good to eat in excess. A great business opportunity awaits someone who can figure out how to do that; even better if organic. McD's and other fast food restaurants have paid attention to this trend and developed alternatives, but feeding your child packaged ( bathed in preservatives) apple slices with his chicken nuggets isn't enough. Schools need to bring back P.E., real food, and design after-care programs that let kids physically play outdoors. Cities need to build sidewalks, parks, rec centers, playgrounds.

Fascinating TEDx talk on the important connection between excercise and learning:
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBSVZdTQmDs

It feels as if every year we Americans work longer and longer hours at our jobs, at computers, sitting down. We have long commutes - in cars, sitting down - to and from work. We come home late, tired, and watch tv or surf the internet- sitting down. It is no wonder we are starting to develop the pear shaped bodies seen in the movie "Wall-E". (People often say to me, "You are a teacher, you have a short work day and summers off !." No I do not. I work 8-5 every day, and longer on several days a week. I work through lunch ("other duties as assigned"),  rarely have time to go the the restroom, routinely lose all my conference time to meetings, frequently have more meetings that run early or late before/after the school day, and am expected to give up several weeks each summer for "training". I bring home grading, read/write/work hours a week for lesson planning/development,  and recently am expected to complete several days-20+ hours- of online training, each school year, on my own time : nights and weekends.) As a society, we need to spend less time in front of computers (then shopping or eating junk food to alleviate our stress from working) and more time doing things/interacting with our co-workers, families, friends, and our bodies. We need to have movement breaks throughout the day so we can get up, walk around, use our muscles. As humans, we are hard-wired to eat as much as possible in case there is a famine, but we can also find substitutions to what we are currently eating that give us pleasure and are still good for us.


Another NYT article on healthy eating, living, and longevity
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/28/magazine/the-island-where-people-forget-to-die.html?pagewanted=all



2/10/2013

My Favorite Time of Year


Once the hoopla of the Super Bowl is over, I breathe a collected sigh of relief  and just b-r-e-a-t-h-e . For the previous six months, hubster has monopolized every tv in the house, watching football games in every room, and not content with that, roaming around yelling at all the different games on the various tv's. There is just no escape. The madness starts in August and goes non stop until February. Football games are on  Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon and now on Wed nights as well , plus all day on Sat and Sun. Football mania is all fine and good but in this house it's just too much. The dogs cower and hide under the bed. I just leave - go out to lunch, get a massage, go to a movie. Yet it feels forced, and the house is a stressful place to be.The stress seems to follow, like a cloud.

 
But this time of year - Feb through May, what we call "spring" - is the best season of the year. Post Super Bowl (the real end of the holidays ), post Hanukkah, Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year's. Deep winter and early spring are a peaceful time, quiet, calm, reflective. In Texas, it is also sunny and mild. The arts calendars are in full swing - there's opera, gallery exhibits, symphony concerts, author talks, foreign films, jazz festivals - something for everyone.
The farmer's market goes year round, pulling produce from south Texas. MMMM! I think I'll cook something.


Hip New Thing

The hot new thing to do is eat from a food truck. Long the purveyor of hearty lunch time junk food to construction workers, (here in Texas, it was mostly Mexican food , hot dogs, burgers, and fries), re purposed exotic gourmet food trucks have suddenly sprung up as a roving foodie adventure. One of my faves sells only banh mi - a  sort of Vietnamese hoagie. To stay current, you have to follow your fave food truck on Twitter - they will Tweet you where they will be parked each day. It's a like a double dose of cool - you gotta be in the know to know. Recently we had a food truck night-time event in town, where many different types of food trucks gathered down by the train station. Town officials expected a couple hundred locals to show up - but due to Twitter and word of mouth, over 20,000 people showed up. It was a traffic nightmare, but fun none the less.