10 Things Young People Can Do to
Change Their Lives, Their Futures, and Be Successful
I’m not sure
if this goes from #10 > #1, or #1 >#10 in order of importance. I just know
they are all connected, and equally important. Read why:
10 Get control of
your own desires. Whether it is shopping, alcohol, drugs, or sex – as a
young adult, a little bit is fun; too much can ruin your life. The most
important thing successful people do is to not let their desires rule their
lives. It will be difficult when you see your friends engaging in what appears
to be wild unrestrained grownup fun – until the next morning when you see what really
happened the night before. It will challenging,
after a hard day of work (whether physical or mental work) to not cut loose
completely and go wild. I’m not saying don’t get out there and have adult
pleasures; just be a complete adult
and do it responsibly.
a)Shopping, consumerism, that “I must have it now” feeling –
You are born with a prefect credit rating. It starts at 100%, an A+ grade, and
choices you make in your life bring it down or keep it up. Get a job; pay your
bills on time. Don’t take out credit cards. Create a budget and live within
your means. Put off major purchases
until you can afford them. If you can’t pay a bill on time, talk to the
organization you owe money to and set up a payment plan. It’s so much less
stressful to not owe money, and it frees up any extra funds that might come
your way, to give yourself a good time, later. It is foolish to drive a car that costs more
than you make in a year, more than the
cost of some people’s homes. It is foolish to blow money on shoes or other
frivolities and pay interest for it for the rest of your life. Why does this
matter? People will help you if they see you are responsible. If you pay your bills on time, live within
your means, and take care of your credit rating, you can apply for and receive
student loans, car loans, a mortgage when it is time. And the interest rate
will be lower; you will pay less to do it. Also important – don’t let anyone
else, not even a family member or close friend, use your credit rating (for
example, they take out a debt or credit card in your name). If their own credit
is bad, that means they owe someone money. Guess what? They won’t pay you back,
either.
b)Drinking and partying – Learn your limit and stick to it.
The absolute most important thing is to always have a designated driver. (Surely
you have one friend who doesn’t drink or can’t tonight for some reason.) The
second most important thing is never drink alone, or go to a bar or party
alone. Bring a friend with you, keep an eye on each other and your drinks,
don’t let someone who isn’t a bartender give you a drink. Please don’t do 21
shots when you turn 21 – it will kill you.
c)Drugs – If you think drugs are the answer, try counseling
first or in-between. If you are turning to drugs whether to have fun or dull
the pain – either way, you need to talk to someone who can help with the
underlying cause. Colleges and universities, the military, and most work places
offer counseling services for free or very little cost. Think of it as a
pampering spa, just for you and your emotions: someone is paid to sit there and
listen to you, help you deal with your issues in a non-judgmental way, and it’s
all confidential. No one else will ever know. A deep dark vault just for you. While
scary at first, it really does feel good eventually. Like getting a mani-pedi
for your mind.
d)Sex-It is a natural, normal human desire to want to
connect to another human being in a way that makes you feel loved, special,
safe, and intimate. Recognize that early relationships are like training wheels
on a bike, a way to practice loving and being loved in a relationship. Each
relationship you have will hopefully allow you to grow and mature as a human
being. Love and respect yourself first, though, enough to follow your own
values; don’t let yourself be pressured in to anything you don’t want to do,
and treat others as you wish to be treated. And remember – the longer you put off
having children (long enough to get yourself what you need, first: an
education, a job, some adult fun), the better off both you and the children
will be. Only YOU can really, truly decide when you are going to have kids. Be
responsible for your choices. (Remember, choosing to have unprotected sex is
like saying “It’s ok with me if I or my girlfriend gets pregnant/catches a
disease right now. “ It is a passive
choice you have made.)
9 Make a plan.
It’s ok if you change or revise your plan as often as needed – just have a
plan. Any plan. Whatever it is. Brainstorm what you want from life, then figure
out some steps to help you get there. (This is a great stress reliever when
things go wrong, too – write down a plan to fix it. Then do it, even if in baby
steps.) You don’t have to write it all down, but you have to spend some time
thinking about it. Join the military, go to college, get a job. Live at home,
work, and go to school – or head off into the wild blue yonder. You will never
achieve anything in life if you don’t take the time to figure out what it is
that you want, and then figure out some things you can do right now to work towards it. The hard thing is to aim for something
in the distant future (save money to go to college) when there are fun things
(like partying with friends) happening right now. One tiny voice in your head
shouts “I want it NOW!” and the other tiny voice whispers “I’m afraid I will
fail …. I’m afraid of the future….it’s too far off….I don’t know what to do, or
how to do it…..I don’t know if I can do
it……So I’ll just party now, and not think about it.” That is a recipe for
spending the rest of your life living at home and not having any fun. Just find
a way to have fun that doesn’t take away from your long-term goals. See # 10
Control your desires.
8 Learn to slow down,
think about things, and don’t make a decision or give an answer to a request
too fast. Major decisions made in haste are often regretted in haste. What
that means is, don’t make any choice too quickly, especially the ones that can
alter your life. (Hamburgers or pizza
tonight? Sure, no problem. Decide quickly. Go with your mood right now. Get
married? Take a new job? Have a baby? Join your friend in an illegal way to
earn some money? Take some time to think that through, first.) Talk it over
with friends and family. (See # 5) Sleep on it. And if anyone is pressuring you
to decide something too fast, that should send off warning bells in your head.
Memorize this statement and repeat as often as necessary: “I can’t decide about
that now. I will let you know after I have thought more about it. I will let
you know tomorrow.” The harder they push you to decide or commit – RIGHT NOW!
-the more that should send the warning signal to your brain (see # 4 below) .
There is nothing that urgent in life (unless you are marooned in space and the
oxygen is running out) that a decision can’t wait until tomorrow. Just keep repeating the statement. Refuse to
say yes or no.
7 Earn some money. If
you get a job, you will feel better about yourself, no matter how menial the
job. If you are honest, show up on
time, and do your best, work hard – no one can ever fault you. You will get
promoted-more money, more responsibility, and a better job. It will make you
feel good about yourself to achieve this. Half of life is just showing up (on
time) with a positive (or at least, neutral ) attitude, and doing your best.
Really. And remember, every famous wealthy person once started out just like
you – a kid with a dream. Most of the really successful people in life started
out poor or middle class. Rich kids rarely have that hunger that drives people
to work, to achieve – and they almost never do. At the end of the day, at the
end of your life, you will feel good about 2 things: your relationships (friends and family) and
your career – what you achieved in your life. So start now.
6 Save some money.
You will get sick and tired of people saying this to you, but it is true: “If I
had put away just one dollar from every paycheck since I first started working,
and let it grow with interest all these years, I’d be a millionaire now.” At
the very least, put aside a little emergency cash somewhere safe. In the early years, it is hard to do, you don’t
earn much, I know – but what often separates the haves and the have-nots is
that one disaster (job loss, car wreck, medical bill, home repair, legal
problem) that ruins everything, when you are so close to doing ok but living on
the edge. At the very least, cultivate a network of family and friends who can
help each other when problems strike. And know that they will. If you are really
serious about getting rich, read up on the stock market and how to invest. Start
your own business.
5 Make, and keep,
good friends “Friends are the family you choose.” (This goes for boyfriends
and girlfriends, too as well as platonic friends.) If your friends aren’t
supportive of the goals you have set for yourself- find new friends. If your
friends are toxic, hateful, gossiping, mean, jealous, dishonest, selfish, encourage
you to do risky things or bring out the worst in you – find new friends. If
your friends get you in trouble, or have friends could get you in trouble or
who don’t treat you with respect – find new friends. If your friends aren’t
there for you when you need them – get new friends. Good friends build you up,
make you laugh, share life’s adventures, encourage you, as you will them. Good
friends will support you when you have problems in life, will be there for you
to talk to, as you will them. Good friends want what is best for you, and give
as much in the relationship as they take. How do you find and make a good
friend? Start with common interests, hobbies, activities. Talk to people even
if it makes you nervous. Be kind and helpful, and see who returns the favor.
Stay in touch, follow up, care about them . A friendship is like a plant, if
you tend it, it will grow. If you ignore it, it will die.
4 Trust your “spidey
sense” This means trust yourself and your gut instinct about people and
situations. If something feels like a bad situation, if a person seems sneaky
and dishonest, they might be. Hold back a bit and observe, collect more
information before deciding. (see #8 above. Nothing has to be done in a hurry.) I’m not saying go through life not trusting
everyone and everything . At some point you have to trust people to fully
engage with the world in order to live a full life, to love and be loved. But
you know you are smart, and you have experience with people and situations. Use
that knowledge to help you read what is going on, and get a sense of people’s
true motivations, underneath their words. Look around you, watch others,
develop a back-up plan or escape route. Don’t go into a dangerous situation.
Observe others’ body language, and also how your own body (Heart racing? Hair
on your arms standing up? Sick feeling in stomach?) is reacting to a
questionable situation. Some people call it déjà vu, some people call it
intuition, some people call it karma, a guardian angel, or past life
recognition. Whatever you call it, if it feels dangerous, especially, get away
and get some perspective.
3 Don’t be afraid to
fail Buddha says that life is always in a state of change, that this is the
only constant. Nothing ever stays the same. The only thing you can control is
your reaction to what changes around you. Life happens, and that means bad
things as well as good things. What separates successful people from
unsuccessful people is that successful ones approach life’s problems with the
attitude of “How can I fix this problem?” or “What can I do now that …… has
happened?” We have lots of clichés in our culture on this topic, such as “Every
time a door closes, a window opens” or “When life gives you lemons, make
lemonade”. If you are going through a rough patch, pick a quote that helps you
and look at it often. Remember, it is ok, even good, to fail, hard as that may
seem at the moment. If you never try,
you never fail. If you never fail, you never have the opportunity to learn the
lesson, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start up again. Lost your job?
This is your chance to try something new. Breaking up with loved one? Now you
can get to know yourself again, and figure out who would be a better match for
you. Remember that happiness does exist on the other side of a hard time. You
just have to get through it, to get there.
2 In the end, your character
is all you have There will be times in your life when everything bad seems
to happen at once. You will lose your job, your spouse; go through financial,
emotional, and social upheaval. Bad people (former bosses you ticked off,
former spouses you have left, ex friends you moved away from, people who never
liked you or were threatened by you in the first place) will say hateful untrue
things about you. People love to gossip and will repeat it- that is just human
nature. But a few people won’t believe it – and you will learn two things from
this type of experience: 1)Who your real friends are, and 2)In everyone’s life
there comes a time when you have lost everything – home, money, loved one,
status – and the only thing you have left is your character. What is your character? It is how you behave
day in and day out, in thousands of ways large and small, that reflect your
inner values and your own personal morality (whether as part a religion or
not). It is whether or not you were
honest, kind, and fair. The way you behaved in the past and the choices you
make now tell everyone you meet who you really are. And a good character can
never be taken away, because it is the truth about you. It comes out and is
seen by all. Only you can decide what that character will be.
1 Take a risk – on
yourself. Don’t be afraid to get out there and go for it – whatever it is –
that is going to move you into your ideal adult version of yourself. You know
yourself, and you know what you can do. Don’t be afraid to ask for something –
what’s the worst that can happen? They’ll say no? Better to jump way out there
in life – head off to a strange college, take a new job, meet new people,
travel, study new things – and fail, than to sit at home the rest of your life
and play video games. Don’t be afraid to take out student loans (maybe balance
the amount with your potential career earnings) or try a new career path, move
to a new city, meet new friends. You can always stop and regroup if you don’t
like what you are doing. But now is your moment – that path you and your
parents/family have been on is forking. They will go one way, and you will go
yours. You are not a baby anymore and can’t stay on their path anyways – so
embrace your own way. Don’t let passive decisions determine your life for you.
(That means, not making any decision is also a decision.)Sure it’s scary! But
it’s also fun. It’s like being in an all-you-can-eat buffet….”I’ll some of
that, and a few of those, and oh! That looks good, I’ll take one…” Isn’t that
better than a life of nothing but bland boring baby food?
