Hidden Hobbies

I have an unsung talent (ha!) as a lyricist….spent too many of my formative years reading Mad Magazine. These songs just bubble up in my head, all the time, and I sing them – not just in the shower, but around the house, I whistle them at work, and so on. I can’t stop. Many of my songs are sung about or to my dogs, who know which songs are “theirs” and generally wag their tails when they hear their special melody about to begin.

“Phoebe” (aka "Feelings" with apologies to MORRIS ALBERT )

Phoebe, nothing more than Phoebe

Trying not to forget my poodle that I love’d

Kisses rolling down on my face

Trying not to forget my poodle of love

Phoebe, for all my life I'll love you

I wish you’d never leave me, girl

You'll like will never come again

Phoebe, woo-o-o Phoebe

Woo-o-o, Phoebe, again in my arms

Phoebe, feelings like I've never lost you

And feelings like I'll never have you again in my heart

Phoebe, for all my life I'll feel it

I wish I've never lost you, girl; you'll never come again

Phoebe, feelings like I've never lost you

And feelings like I'll never have you again in my life

Phoebe, woo-o-o feeling it,

woo-o-o, Phoebe again in my arms

Feelings

“Malcolm the Boxer” (aka “Frosty the Snowman”, by Wallace/Nelson)

Malcolm the Boxer, was a very happy dog,

With a wiggly butt and a big wet nose, and two eyes made of coal.

Malcolm the Boxer, is a fairytale, they say.

He was made of fur, but the children know how he came to life one day.

There must have been some magic in that big brown dog they found,

For when they patted him on his head, he began to dance around!

Oh, Malcolm, the Boxer, was as lively as could be;

and the children say he could laugh and play,

All day long,

Just the same as you and me.

Thumpety thump, thump, thumpety thump, thump,

look at Malcolm go.

Thumpety thump, thump, thumpety thump, thump,

over the coach he goes.

“The Addie Wind”   (aka “The Summer Wind with apologies to Frank Sinatra)

The Addie wind, came blowin' in from betwixt her cheeks

It lingered there to touch the air and made us sick for weeks

All summer long we smelled her song and then we saw that golden turd

Two big fat turds, and the Addie wind

Of course, Rick gets his own songs, too.  Lots of them. “I’m Gonna Wash tha Man Right Outta My Hair”, the theme from the old Ricola herbal cough remedy commercials ( Swiss yodeling ) “Rick-o-la!” , etc – but these don’t even need the words changed. Here is another one:

“Rick be a Reidy” (aka “Luck Be A Lady”)

They call you Rick Reidy. 
But there is room for doubt 
At times you have a very unReidylike way of acting out

You're on this a date with me
The pickings have been lush
And yet before this evening is over you might give me the brush
You might forget your manners
You might refuse to stay and

So all the best that I can do is pray.

Rick be a Reidy tonight
Rick be a Reidy tonight
Rick if you've ever been a Reidy to begin with
Rick be a Reidy tonight.

Rick be a gentleman, see
How nice a dame I can be
I've seen the way you've treated other girls you've been with
Rick be a Reidy with me.

A Reidy doesn't pass out drunken
It isn't fair, it isn't nice
A Reidy doesn't vomit all over the room
And drink till the sun’s about to rise.
So let's keep the party polite
Never get out of my sight
Stick with me baby, you’re lucky that I’m with you
Rick be a Reidy
Rick be a Reidy
Rick be a Reidy tonight.

Rick be a Reidy tonight
Rick be a Reidy tonight
Rick if you've ever been a Reidy to begin with
Rick be a Reidy tonight. 

A Reidy likes to sail the Potomac
And when the weather’s fair, it’s so nice
A Reidy summers in the Outer Banks 

And visits the Smithsonian Art Museum
So let's keep our dating polite
Never ask me to go for a hike
Stick with me baby, let’s go to the opera
Rick be a Reidy
Rick be a Reidy
Rick be a Reidy tonight. 

Rick be a Reidy tonight
Rick be a Reidy tonight
Rick if you've ever been a Reidy to begin with
Rick be a Reidy tonight. 

A Reidy doesn't cheap out on dinner

It isn't fair, it isn't nice

A Reidy doesn't ask me to go steady with him

And not take me out on a date, first.

So let's keep our relationship nice

Never forget my advice

Stick with me baby, I'm the lady you want to go home with

Rick be a Reidy

Rick be a Reidy

Rick be a Reidy tonight.

Rick be a Reidy tonight
Rick be a Reidy tonight
Rick if you've ever been a Reidy to begin with
Rick be a Reidy tonight. 

A Reidy doesn't forget to call me
It isn't fair, it isn't nice
A Reidy doesn't force me to watch sports tv
When I’d rather catch “Masterpiece”
So let's keep the party polite
Never forget I am right
Stick with me baby, I'm the lady you came in with
Rick be a Reidy
Rick be a Reidy
Rick be a Reidy tonight.

Rick, I’m your ladyfriend, see
How nice a guy can you be ?
I know the way you've treated other gals you've been with
Rick I’m a lady, a lady, a lady you see

A Lady doesn’t flirt with strangers
She has a heart, don’t you know?
A lady doesn’t want you to talk all night long
To someone else, some doll.
Never get out of my sight.
Stick with me, baby, I'm the lady you came in with
Rick I’m your lady
Rick I’m your lady
Rick I’m your lady tonight.