If I'd Married a Rich Man

Dear God, you made many, many poor people.
I realize, of course, that it's no shame to be poor.
But it's no great honor either!
So, what would have been so terrible if I'd married a small fortune?

If I'd married a rich man,
Ya da deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd work out for my little biddy bum.
If I'd married a wealthy man.
I wouldn't have to work long hours, sitting at my desk
Ya da deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
Could have retired by now and lost 50 pounds
If I'd married a wealthy man.

I'd have a big tall house with rooms by the dozen,
Right in the middle of the town.
A fine mini mansion with real wooden floors below.
A beautiful pool and a lovely new kitchen, too.
There would be one giant master suite with spa bathroom in the upstairs,
And one even larger in the down,
And one more in the guest house, just for show.

I'd fill my home with decor, art, food and exercise equipment
Just for my family's pleasure. I'd even hire someone to clean and cook all day,
Bitching just as noisily as I can.
With each loud "cheep" "squawk" "honk" "quack"
Would land like a trumpet on the ear,
As if to say "Here lives the wife of a wealthy man."

If I'd married a rich man,
Ya da deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd post things on my blog.
If I'd married a wealthy man.
I wouldn't have to work hard. I could grow a garden and drive around my kids.
Ya da deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I'd married a biddy biddy rich,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.

I see my body, my tummy, looking like a rich woman's tummy
With a proper tummy tuck.
Could even get a boob job that would give dear husband his heart's delight.
More dental work, some hair color, maybe even fake nails.
I see him putting on airs and strutting like a peacock.
Oy, what a happy mood he's in.
Bragging to his friends, day and night.

The most important thing is I could pay my kids' tuition!
They wouldn't have to ask me to work two jobs,
I could buy them a car and some books and a vacation.
"If you please, Dear mummy..."
"Got any money, dear mummy..."
I would never have to fear to see the bills!

And it won't make one bit of difference if I go to the store .
When you're rich, your don't have to worry about the credit cards!

If I were rich, I'd have the time that I lack
To sit in my study and read all the books that I want.
And maybe do some volunteer work , too.
And I'd discuss these books with my girlfriends, several hours every day.
That would be the sweetest thing of all.

If I'd married a rich man,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I'd married a wealthy man.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

Lord who mad the lion and the lamb,
You decreed I should be what I am.
Would it spoil some vast eternal plan?
If I'd married a wealthy man.